We had a special treat at church today. Our pastor introduced a jewish rabbi and spent the entire sermon dialoguing with him and asking him questions. It was extremely informative to learn more about the rich history of the Old Testament (or Hebrew Scriptures). This special guest was able to add another dimension to our scripture reading as we continue reading through the Bible in 100 days.
Not only did we glean firsthand Judaism knowledge about God's chosen people and some insight about the Old Testament, he also addressed some of the differences in Judaism and Christianity. It was all very well done.
One point that will stay with me is their view of the Sabbath. As a Christian, I'm well aware of the commandment to "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy." But the rabbi shared a unique interpretation that we are to labor diligently for 6 days. We are to work with our hands and minds and give 100% to God in all we do. We are to take care of the world that God created. But on that 7th day, we are to stop and remember that we are also a part of Creation.
I needed today to remind me that Judaism is not a religion that has "missed the boat." In many ways, they have gotten more things "right" than Christians. The respect they have for God is noble, their traditions of remembrance are honorable, and their dedication is inspiring.
I left the service in complete awe and reverence, but also with a renewed belief and confidence in Jesus Christ — my Savior. I would be lost without Him. Jesus Christ — the Word — provides all the answers I could ever need. I am so much in love with Him that I could never see God apart from Him. I praise Him for my freedom and for my salvation.
Sunday, February 26
sisterly love
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| Cathy and I and all the cousins after church. |
I was sad to see her leave this afternoon, but I'm looking forward to my youngest sister, Becky, visiting next weekend. If that's not great enough, I get to see my older sister, Teri, just two weeks later! I am so blessed to love and be loved by these incredible sisters in blood AND sisters in Christ.
My love tank is full.
Friday, February 24
never a loser
I have never really liked the phrase: Lost her battle with cancer. I sort of cringe at this wording and concept. I understand why death is stated this way, yet I hope no one says this about me when I'm gone.
First of all, I don't think cancer is a battle — to be won or lost with skill or technique. Some survive, some don't, yet every single person on the face of this earth will eventually die one way or the other. Cancer isn't "won" by fighting hard or eating right. It's not "lost" by traditional medicines or natural therapies.
Perhaps I have a passive temperament, but I don't consider myself "fighting" a battle with cancer. I suppose, if anything, I'm fighting a battle with the dark forces of my mind — to live in freedom, instead of bound by the chains of this disease.
When my time finally comes, I want it shouted from the rooftops that I WON! To say that I lost my battle is so far from the truth. When a believer finally gets to be united face to face with her Creator....well, "losing" is certainly the farthest thing from her mind. Can you just imagine?! The heavens and all of creation will be rejoicing as another Bride of Christ walks down the aisle to meet her precious Savior. I just can't imagine anything more glorious or satisfying. It's the ultimate victory!
I won't die a loser....but a WINNER!
First of all, I don't think cancer is a battle — to be won or lost with skill or technique. Some survive, some don't, yet every single person on the face of this earth will eventually die one way or the other. Cancer isn't "won" by fighting hard or eating right. It's not "lost" by traditional medicines or natural therapies.
Perhaps I have a passive temperament, but I don't consider myself "fighting" a battle with cancer. I suppose, if anything, I'm fighting a battle with the dark forces of my mind — to live in freedom, instead of bound by the chains of this disease.
When my time finally comes, I want it shouted from the rooftops that I WON! To say that I lost my battle is so far from the truth. When a believer finally gets to be united face to face with her Creator....well, "losing" is certainly the farthest thing from her mind. Can you just imagine?! The heavens and all of creation will be rejoicing as another Bride of Christ walks down the aisle to meet her precious Savior. I just can't imagine anything more glorious or satisfying. It's the ultimate victory!
I won't die a loser....but a WINNER!
Thursday, February 23
chemo update
I had an appointment with my oncologist yesterday, before my 5th chemo treatment. I could tell that he was torn with whether or not I should receive my treatment, because my white cell counts were low. But in the end, he decided to go ahead and let me — with a strict rule to call him if I get a fever within the next few days.
I wish I would have taken notes during my appointment, because I can barely remember what was said. My oncologist mentioned something about my blood levels in my liver being high (or was it low?). Anyway, something was off and so he's going to be looking at these liver numbers more closely when I have blood drawn next Wednesday before chemo. We're not too concerned as of yet, because some other indicators of liver problems in my blood work appear normal. He only mentioned it because my liver numbers have always been consistently normal, so it's just a small trigger to monitor my liver next week.
I've been feeling very tired and sluggish since my chemo yesterday, so I'm trying to rest as much as possible. The kids are off of school today and tomorrow, so I'm able to stay home. Homework is lighter for them (which means less responsibility for me, as well), of which I am grateful. My sister and her family plan to visit over the weekend, so my main responsibility is to stock the fridge and make sure laundry is done and the house looks somewhat presentable. Fortunately, I can put the kids to work!
Unless there's a problem, I will see my oncologist again in three weeks and plan to have another PET scan in five weeks. I'm anxious to find out if this Halaven chemo is effectively zapping my cancer!
I wish I would have taken notes during my appointment, because I can barely remember what was said. My oncologist mentioned something about my blood levels in my liver being high (or was it low?). Anyway, something was off and so he's going to be looking at these liver numbers more closely when I have blood drawn next Wednesday before chemo. We're not too concerned as of yet, because some other indicators of liver problems in my blood work appear normal. He only mentioned it because my liver numbers have always been consistently normal, so it's just a small trigger to monitor my liver next week.
I've been feeling very tired and sluggish since my chemo yesterday, so I'm trying to rest as much as possible. The kids are off of school today and tomorrow, so I'm able to stay home. Homework is lighter for them (which means less responsibility for me, as well), of which I am grateful. My sister and her family plan to visit over the weekend, so my main responsibility is to stock the fridge and make sure laundry is done and the house looks somewhat presentable. Fortunately, I can put the kids to work!
Unless there's a problem, I will see my oncologist again in three weeks and plan to have another PET scan in five weeks. I'm anxious to find out if this Halaven chemo is effectively zapping my cancer!
Wednesday, February 22
thumbs up
I'm a day behind, but the neatest thing happened last night — I just have to share.
I love it when the pieces of my day all fit together, like God's perfect plan. Right now I'm immersed in the Word through several aspects of my life. Through my church, I'm reading through the Bible in 100 Days (I finished up the book of Proverbs yesterday), through my children's school, I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study (about the book of James), and through my women's Bible Study, we're covering the time period around Abraham's life.
Once again, I'm loving how alive the Word of God is. When my own spiritual walk is neutral at best, I know it's because I'm not engaged in the scriptures.
I didn't have a particular "ah-ha" moment yesterday. Often times when I read, I absorb it all, but don't necessarily have a life-changing lightening bolt hit me.
But the beauty of what I read impacted me hours later......
We had some drama while putting the kids to bed last night (— nothing new). For all of those who think my children are so well behaved, well....all those mother's out there know exactly what I mean when I say, "HA!" 24-hours at my house is rarely filled with all smiles and compliant, loving, obedient children. I'm sure, like most children, they behave quite differently at school and at church than they do at home. Without getting into the specifics, the age-old issue of sibling rivalry came into play full-force right at bedtime. Josiah went to bed angry and sobbing. I snapped at him to cry in his room and not near me. I wish I was always a calm and patient mother, but quite frankly, I had had enough.
His wailing grew louder and I could tell he was deeply hurt (and not merely throwing a temper tantrum). My frustration hit a peak, but I decided to go into his room to seize a teachable moment, instead of scold him.
He has a bible/prayer book next to his bed that points out scripture verses according to what the child wants to learn or how he is feeling. I asked him if he wanted comfort, felt lonely or felt angry. He said he was angry. So we turned to page 28. The first two scripture verses were from Proverbs (15:1) and James (1:19-21). As I read them out loud, I couldn't help but smile at God and at His perfect timing as I had read those very verses earlier that day!
Proverbs 15:1 says: A gentle answer will calm a person's anger. But an unkind answer will cause more anger.
I asked Josiah how angry he is. He pointed his thumb in a downward position. I said, "Now that I came in here and spoke gently and read the bible, is your anger better?" He put his thumb half-way up. I said, "If I came in here and yelled at you to STOP CRYING and GO TO SLEEP, would your anger be better?" He pointed BOTH thumbs way down low. So he was able to see how being gentle can help with anger. When mommy's not around or when he can't find the right scripture verse to read, he can always pray and ask Jesus to help him not be angry anymore. Jesus will calm him.
The best part happened when I turned to leave. Josiah stopped me and said, "Oh! I get it! When I'm feeling bad or angry or don't want to forgive someone, then my thumb is pointing down to satan. It's sin, mommy. But when Jesus helps me, I'm pointing my thumb up to God!" Oh, my goodness. I almost broke out in tears.
To think....I almost missed this great opportunity to point Josiah in the right direction: To seek answers and help from God when your emotions get the best of you and you can't stop wallowing in tears and self-pity.
I wish I could say that I'm always so intuitive to my children's needs. But unfortunately that's not the case. What's true for Josiah is true for me: I must turn to God and His Voice to help me when I'm at my wit's end with this huge responsibility called Parenting.
I love it when the pieces of my day all fit together, like God's perfect plan. Right now I'm immersed in the Word through several aspects of my life. Through my church, I'm reading through the Bible in 100 Days (I finished up the book of Proverbs yesterday), through my children's school, I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study (about the book of James), and through my women's Bible Study, we're covering the time period around Abraham's life.
Once again, I'm loving how alive the Word of God is. When my own spiritual walk is neutral at best, I know it's because I'm not engaged in the scriptures.
I didn't have a particular "ah-ha" moment yesterday. Often times when I read, I absorb it all, but don't necessarily have a life-changing lightening bolt hit me.
But the beauty of what I read impacted me hours later......
We had some drama while putting the kids to bed last night (— nothing new). For all of those who think my children are so well behaved, well....all those mother's out there know exactly what I mean when I say, "HA!" 24-hours at my house is rarely filled with all smiles and compliant, loving, obedient children. I'm sure, like most children, they behave quite differently at school and at church than they do at home. Without getting into the specifics, the age-old issue of sibling rivalry came into play full-force right at bedtime. Josiah went to bed angry and sobbing. I snapped at him to cry in his room and not near me. I wish I was always a calm and patient mother, but quite frankly, I had had enough.
His wailing grew louder and I could tell he was deeply hurt (and not merely throwing a temper tantrum). My frustration hit a peak, but I decided to go into his room to seize a teachable moment, instead of scold him.
He has a bible/prayer book next to his bed that points out scripture verses according to what the child wants to learn or how he is feeling. I asked him if he wanted comfort, felt lonely or felt angry. He said he was angry. So we turned to page 28. The first two scripture verses were from Proverbs (15:1) and James (1:19-21). As I read them out loud, I couldn't help but smile at God and at His perfect timing as I had read those very verses earlier that day!
Proverbs 15:1 says: A gentle answer will calm a person's anger. But an unkind answer will cause more anger.
The best part happened when I turned to leave. Josiah stopped me and said, "Oh! I get it! When I'm feeling bad or angry or don't want to forgive someone, then my thumb is pointing down to satan. It's sin, mommy. But when Jesus helps me, I'm pointing my thumb up to God!" Oh, my goodness. I almost broke out in tears.
To think....I almost missed this great opportunity to point Josiah in the right direction: To seek answers and help from God when your emotions get the best of you and you can't stop wallowing in tears and self-pity.
I wish I could say that I'm always so intuitive to my children's needs. But unfortunately that's not the case. What's true for Josiah is true for me: I must turn to God and His Voice to help me when I'm at my wit's end with this huge responsibility called Parenting.
Monday, February 20
marvelous monday
A brief whisper of an idea and a gentle nudge to implement that idea made for an incredibly memorable day.
Mondays are always a day that I look forward to. I pretty much never schedule anything on Mondays, so that I can spend the day at home recuperating from the busy weekend. With the kids in school and laundry completed over the weekend, I've come to view Monday as a day to relax on the couch, and if I'm lucky....stay in my pj's all day!
On the way home from taking the kids to school, I remembered that today is the last day of chemo for my friend, Theresa. I have yet to visit her while she gets her chemo, so I decided to forgo my day at home, pick up a little gift and head over to the Cancer Care to help her celebrate her last treatment. It was wonderful to see her and visit for a few minutes. Just knowing her has brought such a joy into my life. I've come to appreciate that having cancer creates such deep and wonderful bonds with other fabulous women. — Another example of something good coming out of a trying situation!
As I turned to head out of the chemo room, I faintly heard my name being called. I couldn't believe my eyes. I instantly recognized another friend getting her infusion today. The funny thing is that I've never actually met her before. We've only just become acquainted over the past week through Facebook and a mutual friend. We had talked about getting together, but since she's still recovering from her recent mastectomy, we knew that it may be awhile before we could chat face to face. It was extremely shocking and timely and perfect to be able to meet up with each other today.
I'm still smiling at this chance encounter. Who knew that both of my friends would be getting treatments on the same day at the same time and in the same room?! God certainly directed my steps today, and I didn't even know it! I LOVE it when that happens!
So I didn't get to nap on the couch....or finish my novel....or stay in my pj's. BUT....I got to share in the lives of two precious souls! We connected, laughed, shared, listened, hugged and gave credit and glory to God. I can't think of a better way to spend a Monday. It's so FUNNY to me! I think I just may be turning into a social person! Go figure. I suppose anything is possible when God goes to town on a person. My heart and thoughts are turning outward instead of inward. Only God could transform my selfish tendencies in such a dramatic way.
OH! And the day's not over yet. I was able to go out to eat for lunch with Dale, since he didn't have to work today. It's been awhile since we've had a nice long block of time to talk through some parenting issues. I love that we're both frustrated about the same things and we're both on the same page.
And tonight is another meeting of Kids Konnected at the Cancer Center for Healthy Living. My children like to stay home and rest and play after school, so I often hold my breath for their reaction when we have evening plans. Today, however, they are both excited and ready to go. It just means so much to me to know that they both enjoy Kids Konnected.
Some Mondays I'm not feeling the best, but today was a marvelous day!
Wow. I just read this proverb today: He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25. I can whole-heartedly agree. I feel SO refreshed!
Mondays are always a day that I look forward to. I pretty much never schedule anything on Mondays, so that I can spend the day at home recuperating from the busy weekend. With the kids in school and laundry completed over the weekend, I've come to view Monday as a day to relax on the couch, and if I'm lucky....stay in my pj's all day!
On the way home from taking the kids to school, I remembered that today is the last day of chemo for my friend, Theresa. I have yet to visit her while she gets her chemo, so I decided to forgo my day at home, pick up a little gift and head over to the Cancer Care to help her celebrate her last treatment. It was wonderful to see her and visit for a few minutes. Just knowing her has brought such a joy into my life. I've come to appreciate that having cancer creates such deep and wonderful bonds with other fabulous women. — Another example of something good coming out of a trying situation!
As I turned to head out of the chemo room, I faintly heard my name being called. I couldn't believe my eyes. I instantly recognized another friend getting her infusion today. The funny thing is that I've never actually met her before. We've only just become acquainted over the past week through Facebook and a mutual friend. We had talked about getting together, but since she's still recovering from her recent mastectomy, we knew that it may be awhile before we could chat face to face. It was extremely shocking and timely and perfect to be able to meet up with each other today.
I'm still smiling at this chance encounter. Who knew that both of my friends would be getting treatments on the same day at the same time and in the same room?! God certainly directed my steps today, and I didn't even know it! I LOVE it when that happens!
So I didn't get to nap on the couch....or finish my novel....or stay in my pj's. BUT....I got to share in the lives of two precious souls! We connected, laughed, shared, listened, hugged and gave credit and glory to God. I can't think of a better way to spend a Monday. It's so FUNNY to me! I think I just may be turning into a social person! Go figure. I suppose anything is possible when God goes to town on a person. My heart and thoughts are turning outward instead of inward. Only God could transform my selfish tendencies in such a dramatic way.
OH! And the day's not over yet. I was able to go out to eat for lunch with Dale, since he didn't have to work today. It's been awhile since we've had a nice long block of time to talk through some parenting issues. I love that we're both frustrated about the same things and we're both on the same page.
And tonight is another meeting of Kids Konnected at the Cancer Center for Healthy Living. My children like to stay home and rest and play after school, so I often hold my breath for their reaction when we have evening plans. Today, however, they are both excited and ready to go. It just means so much to me to know that they both enjoy Kids Konnected.
Some Mondays I'm not feeling the best, but today was a marvelous day!
Wow. I just read this proverb today: He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25. I can whole-heartedly agree. I feel SO refreshed!
Saturday, February 18
night of hope
Hollywood was the theme of the night. Dale and I were invited as guests to The American Cancer Society Night of Hope gala last night. "Fun" hardly describes the evening — more like magical. Getting all dressed up for a fancy-schmancy night out was electrifying. For a few brief hours, I was swept away in an escape from my reality. I could sort of imagine what a hollywood event would be like, and I felt like a star to be a part of it all. The food was amazing, the atmosphere stunning, the band incredible and the company priceless.
After the scheduled events that included dinner, speakers and an auction, the evening was left wide open to mingle and dance as the band took the stage. Now I've never danced before in my life, although I've taken my fair share of aerobics and zumba classes and I'm a pro at all of Richard Simmon's "Sweatin' to the Oldies" videos. My theater days taught me a thing or two about dancing....oops, I mean choreography, yet I've never just danced for the fun of it. When I heard the band begin to play, "I Will Survive," I couldn't stay in my seat any longer. Hey....life's too short to sit on the sidelines! I didn't let my nerves slow me down, so I grabbed Theresa and Jen to dance with me. What's even crazier, is that midway through the song, Theresa and I whipped off our wigs!!! I still can hardly believe we did that. It was so invigorating! The singer hopped down from the stage, came toward us and danced with us. We were going wild....flingin' our wigs around like lassos. She held the microphone up for Theresa and I to sing along — what a blast! The band probably played that song all the way through at least 2 times, during which my legs got quite the workout. When it was all over, my heart was beating so fast, my legs were aching, yet my face was glowing with the rush of it all! I felt like I was living someone else's life.
It was a night I will never forget.
It all started with a phone call from my massage therapist and friend, Laurie. She was asked to speak at this event and wanted to fill up a table with some of her clients that have touched her and are a part of her own story. I never felt so honored.
So the planning and anticipation began:
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| I had so much fun getting ready. Five Senses Spa & Salon did my make-up and eyelash application. The face stickers are courtesy of Walgreens. |
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| I felt like I was getting ready for the prom as I thoroughly enjoyed picking out all of my accessories. Styling my wig was loads of fun — especially with the feathers and extra bling. |
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| The room was gorgeously decorated. The whole night felt like a dream. |
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| I'm standing with Laurie (in the middle) and fellow breast cancer patients/survivors. Laurie gave the most beautiful speech which included a brief tribute to each of us. |
After the scheduled events that included dinner, speakers and an auction, the evening was left wide open to mingle and dance as the band took the stage. Now I've never danced before in my life, although I've taken my fair share of aerobics and zumba classes and I'm a pro at all of Richard Simmon's "Sweatin' to the Oldies" videos. My theater days taught me a thing or two about dancing....oops, I mean choreography, yet I've never just danced for the fun of it. When I heard the band begin to play, "I Will Survive," I couldn't stay in my seat any longer. Hey....life's too short to sit on the sidelines! I didn't let my nerves slow me down, so I grabbed Theresa and Jen to dance with me. What's even crazier, is that midway through the song, Theresa and I whipped off our wigs!!! I still can hardly believe we did that. It was so invigorating! The singer hopped down from the stage, came toward us and danced with us. We were going wild....flingin' our wigs around like lassos. She held the microphone up for Theresa and I to sing along — what a blast! The band probably played that song all the way through at least 2 times, during which my legs got quite the workout. When it was all over, my heart was beating so fast, my legs were aching, yet my face was glowing with the rush of it all! I felt like I was living someone else's life.
It was a night I will never forget.
Friday, February 17
joy vs. anguish
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being truly real and genuine when I convince myself that having cancer isn't the end of the world, but could even be counted a blessing.
I especially doubt myself when I read or hear of other people who are struggling with a terminal disease. I hear them vent and curse and get stubbornly mad enough to fight for their lives. How can I stay calm and say that all is well as I find joy and strength from God? Am I merely a naive and sheltered mid-western gal who is tricking myself by living in a Christ-filled bubble? Am I just portraying a pink-bubble-gum-daisies-and-rainbow existence? Does anyone believe me when I say that I'm not just "okay" — I'm MORE than okay! I'm wonderful and fantastic and never been so right in my spirit. God has made me WHOLE — regardless of what this physical body is doing. But is this only ME? Is there some facet to my personality that allows me to look at the bright side and be positive? If so, then how could I ever attempt to relate to others? These thoughts sometimes float around in my head.
But then I tell myself: NO!! It's not just me — there's a reason why I have joy. The truth is the Truth is the TRUTH! God's Word is it. Bottom line.
I've been aware of this tendency for people to deeply struggle when something serious disrupts their lives for awhile now. But I've been unable to pinpoint WHY I don't struggle, other than saying, "It's my faith in God." God gives me the strength I need and MORE! With my focus on Him, nothing else really matters. Unfortunately I can't give other people my faith, nor do many understand it. But the beauty lies in the very real fact that the scriptures teach and through that, GOD hands out all the wisdom and builds all the faith anyone could ever need! It's mind-boggling and amazing.
In my recent Bible study (of my favorite book of the Bible, James), I'm excited to find that throughout the Bible God addresses this very topic of living in joy in the midst of our anguish. Some highlights of this study are as follows:
Both joy and anguish (mental distress), are very intense, leaving hardly any room left for anything else. I've certainly noticed how consumed I can get when I'm in utter anguish. I can barely think of anyone else or anything else, for that matter. But....
Anguish and joy can trade places. (Isaiah 61:1-3)
Just as God can turn beauty into ashes, He can turn my pain into something beautiful. I can attest to the power of giving God my anguish and witnessing His peace and joy fill me up instead of my distress. This is often my prayer for others: that God will replace all of the fear and uncertainty inside others with His truth and divine peace.
The source of anguish can morph into joy! (John 16:20 and Psalm 30)
God turned David's wailing to dancing. I just LOVE the image that makes! When I come out of some sort of mental anguish/distress/torment, I find that God has used that pain for a greater purpose. He can turn my pain into my passion. For example, now I can relate and help minister to others who have cancer. It's my passion to do so! This gives me a life purpose that I would never have experienced if not for this journey I'm on. When I think back to other areas in my life that have been difficult, I can honestly say they have shaped me into a more caring individual.
I don't need to apologize for this seemingly simplistic viewpoint that Jesus is The Answer and He is ALL any one of us need. Unfortunately, some people will gag at this or roll their eyes because they just don't get it. Others may claim that their situation is so much worse than mine, so I couldn't possibly relate and have no idea what I'm talking about. Regardless, I have to stand firm. When it all boils down to one simple yet profound truth: Jesus Christ came to FULFILL it all. Christ put to death ALL hostility, anger, fear, jealousy, confusion, frustration, worry...and on and on.
The glorious thing about all of this is that it IS possible to be calm and peaceful in ALL circumstances. The answer? — Look to Christ.
While I grieve for those who suffer physically, I'm in utter despair for those whose suffering goes much deeper and takes root in their soul. It doesn't have to be this way.
I especially doubt myself when I read or hear of other people who are struggling with a terminal disease. I hear them vent and curse and get stubbornly mad enough to fight for their lives. How can I stay calm and say that all is well as I find joy and strength from God? Am I merely a naive and sheltered mid-western gal who is tricking myself by living in a Christ-filled bubble? Am I just portraying a pink-bubble-gum-daisies-and-rainbow existence? Does anyone believe me when I say that I'm not just "okay" — I'm MORE than okay! I'm wonderful and fantastic and never been so right in my spirit. God has made me WHOLE — regardless of what this physical body is doing. But is this only ME? Is there some facet to my personality that allows me to look at the bright side and be positive? If so, then how could I ever attempt to relate to others? These thoughts sometimes float around in my head.
But then I tell myself: NO!! It's not just me — there's a reason why I have joy. The truth is the Truth is the TRUTH! God's Word is it. Bottom line.
I've been aware of this tendency for people to deeply struggle when something serious disrupts their lives for awhile now. But I've been unable to pinpoint WHY I don't struggle, other than saying, "It's my faith in God." God gives me the strength I need and MORE! With my focus on Him, nothing else really matters. Unfortunately I can't give other people my faith, nor do many understand it. But the beauty lies in the very real fact that the scriptures teach and through that, GOD hands out all the wisdom and builds all the faith anyone could ever need! It's mind-boggling and amazing.
In my recent Bible study (of my favorite book of the Bible, James), I'm excited to find that throughout the Bible God addresses this very topic of living in joy in the midst of our anguish. Some highlights of this study are as follows:
Both joy and anguish (mental distress), are very intense, leaving hardly any room left for anything else. I've certainly noticed how consumed I can get when I'm in utter anguish. I can barely think of anyone else or anything else, for that matter. But....
Anguish and joy can trade places. (Isaiah 61:1-3)
Just as God can turn beauty into ashes, He can turn my pain into something beautiful. I can attest to the power of giving God my anguish and witnessing His peace and joy fill me up instead of my distress. This is often my prayer for others: that God will replace all of the fear and uncertainty inside others with His truth and divine peace.
The source of anguish can morph into joy! (John 16:20 and Psalm 30)
God turned David's wailing to dancing. I just LOVE the image that makes! When I come out of some sort of mental anguish/distress/torment, I find that God has used that pain for a greater purpose. He can turn my pain into my passion. For example, now I can relate and help minister to others who have cancer. It's my passion to do so! This gives me a life purpose that I would never have experienced if not for this journey I'm on. When I think back to other areas in my life that have been difficult, I can honestly say they have shaped me into a more caring individual.
I don't need to apologize for this seemingly simplistic viewpoint that Jesus is The Answer and He is ALL any one of us need. Unfortunately, some people will gag at this or roll their eyes because they just don't get it. Others may claim that their situation is so much worse than mine, so I couldn't possibly relate and have no idea what I'm talking about. Regardless, I have to stand firm. When it all boils down to one simple yet profound truth: Jesus Christ came to FULFILL it all. Christ put to death ALL hostility, anger, fear, jealousy, confusion, frustration, worry...and on and on.
The glorious thing about all of this is that it IS possible to be calm and peaceful in ALL circumstances. The answer? — Look to Christ.
While I grieve for those who suffer physically, I'm in utter despair for those whose suffering goes much deeper and takes root in their soul. It doesn't have to be this way.
Tuesday, February 14
happy LOVE day
I'm totally absorbed in the book of Psalms right now — can you tell?! While many of the Psalms speak of woes and fears, the interwoven theme seems to be about praising God: remembering His might.... recalling His glory.... pondering His wonders.... and basking in His love.
In my devotion to my Savior on this Valentine's Day, my pen overflows with love and praise. If not for Him, well....I can't even imagine. The following are a few verses and feeble attempts of mine to express how much Love means to me, because Love IS God. While these verses don't rhyme, you'll notice how the Psalms are affecting my writing style on this day! :-)
What is love? I see no love apart from You.
Your very Name...Your essence is Love.
How can I but love You?
You are my King and my God.
Yet even the fullness of my love
is but a blemish next to your Glory.
Creator of all things—
The wind breathes Your Voice.
The flowers speak Your Beauty.
The mountains show Your Majesty.
The canyons scream Your Might.
The oceans display Your Wonder.
The birds exhibit Your Compassion.
The stars display Your Light.
All of Creation reflects Your Love.
I can hear You. I can see You. You are everywhere!
To know that You love me?
I am nothing. How can it be?
Your Love sustains me.
Without Love, I would not exist.
My breaths would be hollow passages,
marking time until I was no more.
Instead, Love breathes life into my shell...
Hope into my soul...Joy into my life.
Praise You, oh Lord! Lover of my soul.
Monday, February 13
side effects
As far as chemo goes....I can't complain.
Perhaps I'm comparing this chemo drug with my previous cocktail of drugs, but I am loving Halaven. Yes, Halaven has its own set of side effects, but they are much more manageable than my last round of chemo.
Mornings are the worst for me. It takes me a long time to get going and I just don't feel like my normal self until sometime after lunch. Not only am I more fatigued (winded, slow and breathless), I am slightly nauseous and extremely constipated. Once my medicines start to work and I get adequate rest, I usually feel much better. I'm just so excited that my afternoons and evenings are fairly normal. Having these hours of energy is something I do NOT take for granted. How blessed I am to still be able to carry on the normal activities with the rest of my family! If you know me, you know that this is HUGE. I'm sure there will come a day when I may very well be more of a burden than an asset to my friends and family. In the meantime, I'm so grateful to be able to keep our home life as normal as possible for Dale and the kids.
Not only that.....but I have had little to no bone pain for the past few weeks!!!!
I'm pretty sure I can't give all the credit to Halaven. I know several people on this drug who are suffering various side effects that I just don't have. So I'm going to assume that the many prayers on my behalf are being heard and God is blessing the desires of my heart.
Thank you....THANK YOU, prayer warriors! And thank you, God, for taking care of me as always!!
Perhaps I'm comparing this chemo drug with my previous cocktail of drugs, but I am loving Halaven. Yes, Halaven has its own set of side effects, but they are much more manageable than my last round of chemo.
Mornings are the worst for me. It takes me a long time to get going and I just don't feel like my normal self until sometime after lunch. Not only am I more fatigued (winded, slow and breathless), I am slightly nauseous and extremely constipated. Once my medicines start to work and I get adequate rest, I usually feel much better. I'm just so excited that my afternoons and evenings are fairly normal. Having these hours of energy is something I do NOT take for granted. How blessed I am to still be able to carry on the normal activities with the rest of my family! If you know me, you know that this is HUGE. I'm sure there will come a day when I may very well be more of a burden than an asset to my friends and family. In the meantime, I'm so grateful to be able to keep our home life as normal as possible for Dale and the kids.
Not only that.....but I have had little to no bone pain for the past few weeks!!!!
I'm pretty sure I can't give all the credit to Halaven. I know several people on this drug who are suffering various side effects that I just don't have. So I'm going to assume that the many prayers on my behalf are being heard and God is blessing the desires of my heart.
Thank you....THANK YOU, prayer warriors! And thank you, God, for taking care of me as always!!
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