Even though I vomited yesterday and weariness causes me to sleep the day away, I can't help but feel like I'm walking on air. My feet are hovering on a path of clouds that carry me and protect my every step.
Once in awhile I step outside of myself and take a hard look at my life. With each passing month, full of treatments and scans and results, I grow more in awe that I'm alive. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me that others have been diagnosed with advanced cancer and have passed away within months, while I enter my 5th year of living with this incurable disease. I honestly don't think I'd be doing as well as I am if it weren't for the many, many prayers said on my behalf over the years. I like to imagine that every single prayer buys me a day of capabilities. 24 hours of being able to walk. 24 hours to enjoy pain-free memories. 24 hours of having sight, of being able to hear and think and stand and eat. Oh sure, there are parts of me that I have to watch decline, but hey, after all....I have widespread cancer throughout most of my bones and liver and BRAIN, for crying out loud. I'm not sure what I thought it'd look like to live with widespread cancer, but this isn't it.
The Lord gives and He takes away. And I praise Him no matter what. And He listens to every single prayer. I don't believe He passively listens, rather He ACTIVELY hears our cries and praise. God is moved and touched when we seek Him and His will. Our humble prayers are not left hanging on clogged ears, they MOVE God. And what's more is that our prayers move US. We move closer to Him and His will. Perhaps God would sustain and keep me alive these past few years regardless if anyone said a single prayer for me. But I know in my heart that those prayers have helped me ENJOY life and this journey I'm on. They have kept me from getting depressed or discouraged. Every prayer keeps me truckin' along.
By the way, Marielle and I walked another two miles together at the gym today. What'd I tell ya? Prayers! I didn't huff and puff and I kept up a good pace. I may have wobbled every once in awhile, but I feel stronger and healthier and better about life. Once again, Prayers! It's in God's hands what He wants to do with my life. It's in OUR hands to pray. Your prayers have kept me afloat — physically, mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually. Thank you.
If I have to live with cancer, then I'm SO glad I get to be lifted up daily by those clouds of prayer.