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Saturday, January 28
Well, let me tell you.....when those hair follicles start to die, THEN it becomes quite obvious how many nerve endings live on the scalp. Oh, it's so tender! When the wind blows, when I try to fix my hair and even when I'm just laying on my pillow....my scalp gets so irritated and sore it takes my breath away and I start to form tears. I know I should just shave it and get it over with, but it's not falling out in chunks yet (just a few strands here and there), so I'm stubbornly holding on. I don't know why....it's just hair. This will be my third time going bald, so I should be used to it, right?
I suppose I'm unwilling to take that step right now, because it's such an outward sign of what's going on with this cancer inside. Honestly, I don't "feel" any different, so I'm just not wanting to "look" different. Perhaps I'm being vain.
I guess I'm struggling, because I feel so completely whole and beautiful on the inside. I know that the Holy Spirit is alive and working hard within me to teach me and help me to grow even closer to Christ. So I rebel at the thought of looking sick again. I don't want to wear a big banner that says: Look at me! I have cancer!
I guess I just need to change my viewpoint that being bald is ugly and sickly. After all, God created our bodies, and hair is merely an adornment.
Actually, the more I think about it, I can't help but compare this to a spiritual life of duplicity. God wants our internal joy to reach beyond our skin and touch others with His glory. It's not about a physical appearance, but more about a spiritual appearance. His Light within should naturally seep out of us. I'm finding such encouragement from this concept. Wow. I needed this reminder. After all, not everyone is blessed with a flawless physical body — is anyone, really?!
Unfortunately first impressions are often based on physical appearance. That is so unfair. Those with a birth defect or a scar or an injury or the elderly or lets face it, even those who are overweight or way underweight get unfairly judged. I'm guilty of it, too. I find myself hesitant to befriend someone who appears so beautiful and "model-like," because of my own insecurities. Oh, I'm feeling very convicted right now. How can I expect others to look beyond my own physical imperfections if I don't take the plank out of my own eye and start viewing the true beauty that lies inside of others!
I feel better now about embracing a bald head. Not only will I raise my head and be proud to be different, I will do my best to see other people as God sees them. I will look beyond the physical appearance of others and strive to get to know the minds and hearts of them.